I felt I needed to talk about this, because I'm a bit irritated, and it might not be for the reasons you would expect. This article is going to be a bit more delicately-worded than my usual fare because of the subject matter and for the sake of clarity.

First, Some Background

Besides being a professional comic artist, two other professions which I'm qualified for is Social Worker and Rape Crisis Counselor. I have an extensive background in Sociology/Psychology, focusing on Gender Dynamics. During an extensive residency, I spearheaded a practical street self-defense program at the same facility that trained the Pittsburgh Police at that time. To date, I'm the only female graduate of their main program, which heavily emphasized full contact sparring.

This is important to know in the context of the rest of this article because I want to clearly establish my perspective. I am not some privileged book-educated idiot writing from an ivory tower. I am not a stranger to being in Very Bad Situations. How many times have I been in fights? How many times have Some Random Guys decided to just walk up to me and do the same things or worse than what happened in this incident? I've run out of fingers.

I have to make a second point extremely clear before I write any more. I think what happened is reprehensible and should not be condoned under any circumstances. I'm glad Taki Soma was able to come out with this information, because the alleged actions of Charles Brownstein appear to be consistently negative in this regard. He is the figurehead for an organization that does a lot of good in the comics industry, so it doesn't behoove the CBLDF to have Mr. Drunk-Ass Grabby Hands at the helm if they don't want to detract from what they actually do. I also think that the resulting Friends of Lulu Empowerment Fund is theoretically a Good Thing.

But...

This Doesn't Work for Me

I am finding it hard to get behind the Empowerment Fund. In all my years involved in Gender Studies, I have seen numerous situations like this. What follows is a lot of talk about empowerment and inequality, which isn't incorrect and is theoretically a Good Thing. However, I haven't seen any of it actually be conducive to progress, so I have some trepidation about the effectiveness of the Empowerment Fund.

I am now going to talk specifically about a similarly-patterned event that I took part in which best illustrates the pattern I'm talking about so that you can understand where I'm coming from, and then I'll talk specifically about the Empowerment Fund in the next section.

Take Back the Night

We had a yearly thing at my college in New Jersey. It was called "Take Back the Night". It was basically a parade of women through the city which ended up in a central location. In that central location people would speak about empowerment and such. I actually thought it was a good idea at first, and I offered to teach a self-defense seminar in the same week at the Women's Concerns House. I was told to basically go to hell. One woman joked that I should just be their bodyguard. Very funny. Ha.

Through the next 6 years, I met with the same resistance to proactive awareness from every single woman-oriented event in my field. Eventually I became disillusioned with everything having to do with the word "empower", third wave feminism, and most anyone from my own field. I left the field, never to return. Now I draw comics. You know that part.

The talk about empowerment eventually dissolves into asking for people to accept you. Our Take Back the Night event eventually turned into a cut-rate Lilith Fair and absolutely nothing was "taken back". The same women who marched in that parade are just as likely to get raped or assaulted right now as they were before. Nothing with resonance was accomplished. The only other memories I have are being made fun of by a lot of the women for not dressing like them and listening to the same music as them. (Apparently in the Gender Studies field, if you don't listen to only folk music, you are a loser. In my opinion, this attitude works in concert with the problem and against a lot of the supposed pro-change beliefs in the field. )

All it really broke down into was women fighting amongst each other. Take Back the Night was a feel good measure that "worked" until the high wore off. The cycle repeated itself over and over again, sometimes with a different face.

What is This About, Anyway?

I think what I am trying to say is that I am frustrated at the Brownstein situation, and I am frustrated at women in general because the Take Back the Night pattern seems to be what happens every time.

I am also confused at the basic motivation of the Empowerment Fund and I think this is what is going to hurt it the most. Is it to start programs at conventions to actually try and teach common sense and self-defense to women at conventions? Or maybe to inform about dangerous situations that commonly happen at these events and show ways to remove oneself from them without getting hurt? I think that would be a great idea and this is exactly what I would do, but I don't see any evidence from what I have read to date that this is what is going to happen. Is it to provide legal assistance to women after they have been assaulted? I guess that's an OK idea, too, but I would still prefer a proactive measure. Or is it just a means of getting revenge on Brownstein because of who he is? Would this Empowerment Fund be getting this much attention if he was just Some Random Guy at a convention? I doubt it. Assaults happen at every convention, every day. They even happen to unattended underage girls. Nobody is talking about that. I'm not happy with this because I see a stereotypical pattern without a clear goal. Also, this is being treated as a comic-industry thing. This is not just a comics' industry issue. It's a life issue which is about the Brownsteins of the world.

The Comics Industry

I want to say a few words about women in the comics industry, because that also pisses me the fuck off. Anyone who had been at any of my Women in the Comic's Industry panels will know that I'm becoming legendary for clashing (in a friendly way) with other female comic artists on basic philosophy. When I come on stage they might as well play that Sesame Street song that goes "one of these things is not like the others".

The people on one panel with me kept talking about "kissing ass" and one even went so far as to talk about dressing sexy to garner a publisher's favor. I kept interrupting them and asking them "why?" I mean really, why do we need to do this? Women seem to have internalized their second-class status and a need to be accepted by the perceived first class by being an accessible second class for them.

This concept ties into something we've said before on the site about how it seems that a lot of people are holding onto outdated ideas. A lot of people are doing webcomics just because they want to get into "the industry", as if the industry is the end all be all of the world. I don't think it is. I actually haven't seen many fresh ideas come out of mainstream comics since the mid 90s.

I and many of my peers aren't doing this because we want to or couldn't get into the industry. I'm doing this because I love it and actually see the internet as superior. There is no barrier here and regardless of class restraints, most people can get their shit online these days. The only catch is that you have to promote and market yourself, which if you think about it isn't harder than working unpaid on your book and then hoping Publisher X, Y, or Z will like what you did and pay you.

I take this stance because the comic's industry is predominantly a big frat house. The news flash here is that most women are probably not going to get accepted in the same way Jack Kirby was in the pre-defined mainstream. Even if you are one of the few and you feel you've been accepted, I can bet you any money that if you could read the thoughts of the guys around you, you'd feel differently. You can't go into people's brains and change centuries of ingrained bullshit. The only thing you can change is your self.

The fact that so many women seem to be begging to get into the industry bothers me. It's not bad to try, but to bank everything on it like most people seem to do? Huh? You shouldn't have to worry about upsetting some asshole to get acceptance. Why are we always so worried about what people will think? Why are we partying like its 1976 instead of 2006?

Taki Soma says herself in her account of the incident that she was there because she wanted to network and she was later afraid to come forth with this information for fear of being blacklisted. I can totally understand this, because I think we all have felt this way. I do not blame her for feeling this way. Part of the reason the situation infuriates me is because I am not very different from Taki Soma. I have these kinds of thoughts, too.

Actually fuck it I'll just go there.

One of the worst situations I was ever in was when I acted this very same way because I didn't know how to do any better at the time. My situation did not end as neatly as what we are talking about here. I'm pissed off because no empowerment fund is going to help the fact that women more often than not, learn the hard way. You can talk about it, but you never know what it's like to deal with a situation until it's in your face. Even I freeze up when I'm not expecting a fight.

Women as a general group essentially have to stop being "women" and they have to stop looking to the past for progress and others to help them. You want to know where the joke about my being male that permeates the website comes from? Here is your answer. I went to school in the shittiest area in Pittsburgh. After being nearly raped AGAIN in plain sight in a 7th grade Social Studies class while it was in session, I learned the hard way that if I wanted to stay alive, there might not be anyone to save my ass and I had to fight like a guy or I might not make it.

I feel that a primary change in how women perceive themselves is the only protection against assault and inequality. You cannot go into other people's brains and erase the idea that women are "other". That we are not as good. Inferior. Meat. Not everyone feels this way, but the people who do - you aren't going to change.

How are you going to change their minds? You change minds by taking respect, not asking for it. If someone touches you, tell them to stop in no uncertain terms. If someone tries to take off your shirt, palm them in the nose and aim a few inches behind their skull for good measure.

I am not advocating absolute separatism. I feel that when you split off into woman-only all the time, you get singled out and devalued even more than before. There is a balance. What I am saying is work smart. Use technology. Market yourself. Watch your own ass because you are the only person responsible for it.

No amount of gesturing about empowerment or taking back the night is going to do anything until women start taking respect, rather than asking for it. If the most powerful citizen in society is male, then you have to be metaphorically male to be the best citizen you can be on equal ground. That means use technology and proactive knowledge to close the gap. And no that doesn't mean you can't still be a girl. It just means that it's easier than ever to exist in a male dominated society, but I don't see many women taking advantage of it, and this bothers me.

I hope that Taki can get through this and get stronger. I don't wish this type of experience on anyone, but it's unfortunately too common for me to think that it won't be a part of most women's lives. I hope one day that any women who faces this type of situation can calmly and simply beat the living fuck out of their attacker, I think if enough of us can embrace the idea of taking the fight back to the attacker, eventually they'll think a bit more about this bullshit before fucking around. I can hope.

Today's comic has nothing to do with any of this and just has a bit of self-canabalism....

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